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MORE AFTER THE JUMP
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Friday, March 25, 2011
Minecraft offers a ssssurprising experience
You wake up alone, on an island.
You have nothing. No weapons, no tools, no food, and no idea what’s happening. All you know is that if you’re outside when the sun goes down ten minutes from now, you’re going to die.The music starts, a somber chord in the distance. You turn away from the ocean, stretching out in front of you as far as the eye can see, and get your first look at the stunningly expansive world of Minecraft.
You have nothing. No weapons, no tools, no food, and no idea what’s happening. All you know is that if you’re outside when the sun goes down ten minutes from now, you’re going to die.The music starts, a somber chord in the distance. You turn away from the ocean, stretching out in front of you as far as the eye can see, and get your first look at the stunningly expansive world of Minecraft.
4chan....
>>see most rediculous porn ever
>>>5 minutes in photoshop
>>>>pretty much sums up 4chan
Rango!
Every movie works hard to find its own niche. Animated films, because of their young target audience, must define themselves with a high level of creativity to have any hope of critical success.
So when a movie comes out that includes a scene in which a massive family of moles flying on bats chase a chicken drawn carriage through a canyon while hurling dynamite at the ground and cart-wheeling out of control in huge bursts of fire, it has a pretty good chance of doing well.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Nebraska!
When I first drove across the United States, from our bayside paradise to the industrial smokestacks and high-rises of Chicago, I spent a long time travelling through Nebraska. It’s something of a culture shock when you get there, because while Marin is a lush forested wonderland, Nebraska is a barren hellscape of corn and rusting cars.
The first thing I felt as I entered Nebraska was unease. I am not use to being able to see in every direction without mountains to block the horizon. I can only assume the mountains were removed so Nebraskans could see storms and roving packs of death-badgers[1] far enough in advance to protect their corn (which I’ve surmised is the only thing of value in the entire state.) In addition, removing the mountains would have provided dreary Nebraskan citizens with jobs and some much needed fun, because god knows there’s nothing else even remotely entertaining there.
Later, as we over a bridge crossing the Platte river[2] (“Lowering your expectations of what a river can be since 1784”), we noticed a turnoff for CARHENGE, a recreation of Stonehenge made entirely out of rusted cars cemented together and stood uprights in the middle of a field. Although artistic, it crossed my mind as somewhat cultish, as only a vengeful god would make people live in Nebraska. I have come to the conclusion that the state of Nebraska actually imports rusting cars from other states and leaves the in fields as offerings of peace to their violent, cruel deity.
After spending several hours entranced by the structure, I was reminded of my true situation by the sound of our car alarm going off in the distance. As we had no wish to get stuck in the middle of Nebraska, we quickly ran back to investigate. To our relief, no one had tried to break into the car – the alarm had simply been triggered when the windows had exploded in the afternoon Nebraskan heat. After the initial moment of anxiety, we quickly laughed the incident off. Honestly, I hadn’t really thought it had been someone breaking into the car – after 7 hours in the state I had yet to see another living being, and was beginning to suspect we had somehow made a wrong turn off I-80 and entered the 6th circle of hell.
After cleaning the molten glass out of the front seats, we set off back to what one could hypothetically call “civilization.” Corn fields stretched off endlessly in every direction. Hours passed, but the corn did not end. Dusk turned to night, and night turned to a hellish red glow as the sun rose to the east. Finally, after our fifth year of driving[3], the corn abruptly ended and we got back on the highway.
We kept driving for a few more hours, before stopping to spend the night in Iowa City, Iowa. The rest of our trip passed uneventfully, but more than once I was awakened from our sleep by a chilling dream of eternal corn fields, of crossing the Platte again and again. Sometimes I couldn’t fall back to sleep after these episodes, and would spend hours sitting at the window of our hotel, waiting for the sun to rise and reveal a landscape free of corn.
Never have I been as happy to return home as after that trip. Marin’s hills and trees are a stunning reminder of how amazing the world is. Just think: We live on the same planet as Nebraska.
[1] Have you ever wondered why corn prices have gone up? Death badgers. Trust me.
[2] We crossed the Platte River around 473 times as we drove across Nebraska.
[3] This is an exaggeration. It was actually only about 2 years.
The first thing I felt as I entered Nebraska was unease. I am not use to being able to see in every direction without mountains to block the horizon. I can only assume the mountains were removed so Nebraskans could see storms and roving packs of death-badgers[1] far enough in advance to protect their corn (which I’ve surmised is the only thing of value in the entire state.) In addition, removing the mountains would have provided dreary Nebraskan citizens with jobs and some much needed fun, because god knows there’s nothing else even remotely entertaining there.
Later, as we over a bridge crossing the Platte river[2] (“Lowering your expectations of what a river can be since 1784”), we noticed a turnoff for CARHENGE, a recreation of Stonehenge made entirely out of rusted cars cemented together and stood uprights in the middle of a field. Although artistic, it crossed my mind as somewhat cultish, as only a vengeful god would make people live in Nebraska. I have come to the conclusion that the state of Nebraska actually imports rusting cars from other states and leaves the in fields as offerings of peace to their violent, cruel deity.
After spending several hours entranced by the structure, I was reminded of my true situation by the sound of our car alarm going off in the distance. As we had no wish to get stuck in the middle of Nebraska, we quickly ran back to investigate. To our relief, no one had tried to break into the car – the alarm had simply been triggered when the windows had exploded in the afternoon Nebraskan heat. After the initial moment of anxiety, we quickly laughed the incident off. Honestly, I hadn’t really thought it had been someone breaking into the car – after 7 hours in the state I had yet to see another living being, and was beginning to suspect we had somehow made a wrong turn off I-80 and entered the 6th circle of hell.
After cleaning the molten glass out of the front seats, we set off back to what one could hypothetically call “civilization.” Corn fields stretched off endlessly in every direction. Hours passed, but the corn did not end. Dusk turned to night, and night turned to a hellish red glow as the sun rose to the east. Finally, after our fifth year of driving[3], the corn abruptly ended and we got back on the highway.
We kept driving for a few more hours, before stopping to spend the night in Iowa City, Iowa. The rest of our trip passed uneventfully, but more than once I was awakened from our sleep by a chilling dream of eternal corn fields, of crossing the Platte again and again. Sometimes I couldn’t fall back to sleep after these episodes, and would spend hours sitting at the window of our hotel, waiting for the sun to rise and reveal a landscape free of corn.
Never have I been as happy to return home as after that trip. Marin’s hills and trees are a stunning reminder of how amazing the world is. Just think: We live on the same planet as Nebraska.
[1] Have you ever wondered why corn prices have gone up? Death badgers. Trust me.
[2] We crossed the Platte River around 473 times as we drove across Nebraska.
[3] This is an exaggeration. It was actually only about 2 years.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
BREAKING NEWS
DISASTER STRIKES AFTER LOCAL MAN BECOMES DECISIVE
Scientists predict everyone will die
The world was plunged into chaos Tuesday after a Fairfax man became decisive and used up the entire global supply of choice, scientists as NASA announced today.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The 4 laws of government
1. A government must strive to protect its natural resources and wonders through preservation, smart tactics, and strict regulations.
2. A government must strive to maintain a stable population which can live safely and comfortably WITHOUT violating the 1st law. If the first law must be violated, the population has become unstable.
3. A government must strive to offer freedom, liberty, and justice in all situations, UNLESS doing so would require the violation of the 1st or 2nd laws. Freedom should never endanger the public or the nations future.
4. A government must strive to be Economically and Politically independent, and self sufficient, UNLESS doing so would require violating the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd laws. Sustainability, Stability, and Liberty are more important then money, and alliances may become necessary to protect the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd laws. No alliance should violate the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd laws.
2. A government must strive to maintain a stable population which can live safely and comfortably WITHOUT violating the 1st law. If the first law must be violated, the population has become unstable.
3. A government must strive to offer freedom, liberty, and justice in all situations, UNLESS doing so would require the violation of the 1st or 2nd laws. Freedom should never endanger the public or the nations future.
4. A government must strive to be Economically and Politically independent, and self sufficient, UNLESS doing so would require violating the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd laws. Sustainability, Stability, and Liberty are more important then money, and alliances may become necessary to protect the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd laws. No alliance should violate the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd laws.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Me a the Lynn Woolsey Town Hall!
Here's the video. Skip to the 8 minute mark to see me. Notice the cheers? I'm so proud of myself!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Velociroflcopter©: You saw it here FIRST
The Velociroflcopter©. Only from Thedurka.
Velociroflcopter© 2009 by Alex Allen-Hyma. All rights reserved. Any Variations or Derivatives created without the express written permission of the author are strictly forbidden by US copyright law.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
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